It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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