My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
