if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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