my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You ruined the universe
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
