dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
