bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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