there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
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