i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
