she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
