i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize