She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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