you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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