can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
