You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
