I can text with my tongue
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
