She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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