he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
