you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
