FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
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