i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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