Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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