She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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