Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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