Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
