Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
