New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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