I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
