Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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