My sheets look like a crime scene.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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