your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Randomize
