real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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