On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
