wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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