I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
