i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
