Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
