You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
