So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
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Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
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Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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