The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
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