a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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