think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
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If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
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You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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