I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Randomize
