I'm gonna have a badass scar
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
