We won't sleep together?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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