I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
