1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
