I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
