physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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