my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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