Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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