Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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