Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
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drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
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Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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