she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
