so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Houston, we have a blender
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
