It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
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My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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