You made me cry and you don't even care
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
