He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
