I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
