Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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