her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
He passed out mid-signature
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
