apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
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Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
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So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize