I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
