So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
