Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
