The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
