there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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