you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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