So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
