so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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