last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
